How Your Religious Upbringing Made You The Most Anxious Person in the World

By Jesus Christ

Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not kill.

Pretty straightforward. These simple rules do their part in holding together the fabric of society, don't they? In most places, yeah. In some places - not so much. But the thought is there, and there's something to be said for that.

With that out of the way - let's talk about your loyalty and resolve of your family to the church - and all the little neurotic extra commandments you might have gotten in your household growing up.

Such gems as: Thou shalt not dance. Thou shalt not get naked in front of anyone. Thou shalt not swear. Thou shalt not treat school like a Fashion Show. Thou shalt not talk to strangers. Thou shalt not draw attention to thyself.

Sounds like the South.

These aren't explicitly said, but good ol' Mom or Dad might be transferring these onto you with little phrases like, "I don't think that hanging out with that cute girl is a good idea - she doesn't go to church", or "Jesus was just a carpenter, and he was the greatest man that ever existed!" (What 'wood' Jesus do - that's a t-shirt waiting to happen), or,"You know, the people of Sodom and Gomorrah liked to dance, and they turned to salt!" You get enough of those when you're 10 years old, combined with blocking contact with kids that don't fit the bill, you're living in a fantasy world of woman-headed griffons with scorpion tails, water turning into wine that you can't drink, and 40 year-old virgins.

Now, this is based on my own experiences, and I'm sure there are semi-healthy religious families. But some of the most neurotic people I've ever met were Christians in the South (of America, to my African readers, but you may agree). There's a lot of control involved. A lot of the "it has to be this way" mentality. A lot of looking down on, a lot of frowning upon, a lot of conformity. I guess conformity is an OK thing, if you live in a society where that's the normal thing. But it's neutralizing in America (and a lot of other places - I'm looking at you, England), especially if you want to be confident around girls :)

One of the most damaging things to believe in is that "The meek shall inherit the Earth."

This sounds great on paper! Nothing more fulfilling than to know that as long as you sit down, shut up, and get your WORK done, then you will live happily ever after. Now, I know that there are other things implied in this phrase (like, your meek ass probably won't be around to see the meek inherit the Earth), but the effect of believing this nonsense is immediate. People can be all around you, clambering for attention, arguing for what they want, talking to random people and having a great time, while you sit smugly knowing that it is all temporary - your legacy will someday be inheriting ALL of it!

Here's something that just popped into my head while I was writing this:

If you're not supposed to want material things, not supposed to want to have sex, not supposed to be charming or flashy or powerful -

- then what the hell are you gonna do when you inherit the Earth??

Or does the phrase mean that someday you'll get your big reward? If that's the case, then why aren't you getting it now, before your old ass regrets it? Especially when it's all attainable!

That was a tangent, but it's relevant. My point is that religion causes anxiety (or certain religions, like the Western ones), and although the intentions are good, they are damaging when they are put in a commercial context.

Hmmm... religion in a commercial context - sounds interesting....