Yay! Girls!
A lot of people are checking out the site to learn how to be confident around girls. But this post will be more about how to be confident AFTER you have a girlfriend, and how not to mess everything up!
See, since I was a kid, my life was dictated by what-if's, worse-case scenarios, and constantly thinking other people were out to get me. It's still kinda that way, I suppose, but I have been slowly making changes to resolve this horrible affliction. I don't have the money to go and see a psychologist or psychiatrist, but the internet is free. After reading for years (information addiction), I have come to my own conclusion that what I am contending with is anxiety (social, general), which has lead to a number of things - delusional paranoia, depression, and low self-esteem and confidence.
It all leads to one thing: paralysis. The fear that everyone is laughing at you and the humilation it entails can make a person not want to do anything at all. Thinking you look abnormal causes you to not want to expose yourself to other people. Of course this will make it near impossible to meet other people, right? Here's a great technique that people often try to tell you to use, in order to break the ice, so that you'll eventually feel comfortable with other people:
Fake It Till You Make It
Sounds good, don't it? It's actually pretty similar to what I said when I talked about perception being reality. That if you exude a vibe that people like, it will come across as confidence. Things like keeping your posture straight, smiling, and staying clean and relatively healthy.
Keeping a confident air around you will help you to meet people, but after you've met the girl of your dreams, and you're going out, do you really think that you can keep it up forever? Do you think that fake confidence is going to keep you feeling on top of things when she goes out with her friends? Or when she gets a new job?
For those already anxious, I'm not saying that you should avoid meeting people altogether because eventually your anxiety is going to shine through! This is not a deal-breaker. You need to be aware of it, though, and you should be able to combat your feelings. They are irrational (for the most part).
Don't Seek Answers
In my recent 10 month excursion with a beautiful, talented woman, I was worried that I would be left behind. This actually showed me a couple of things.
1) I was scared to accomplish anything myself; I was dependent on her to push me forward and/or bring us both up with HER accomplishments.
2) I started looking for "evidence" that she would leave.
3) I ultimately pushed her away with my constant surveillance.
See, I had the confidence to get with her in the first place, but I was not prepared to handle what she was going to dish out. It was a reckless, berserk, insane relationship with huge swings of bliss and sorrow. We both confessed deep love for each other, and even after the breakup, we still had such a huge emotional connection that we could not stop calling one another.
I'm not saying it was all my fault. She did some things that she knew I did not approve of. But instead of me talking to her about it, I held back, and started looking for signs of her becoming disinterested. I would become cold, and I would be contemptuous if she ever asked me to do anything for her, thinking that she was trying to keep me as a slave. Doing these things made her feel like I didn't care about her, and she actually did start moving away, and hanging around with another guy.
Had I been cool about the situation, I could have talked to her. Had I been confident, I could have left her without feeling like I was losing an asset. Come to think of it, had I been confident - with money, large circles of friends, and charisma - she probably never would have gave me any reason to doubt her. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now What?
The breakup is complete, but she still calls. It was one of the most emotional experiences of my life, and she claims that it is THE most. I don't want to talk to her, because I don't want to feel like I am second in line. I'm still working this out, but I'm pretty sure a confident person would not feel this way. I'm pretty sure that a confident person would still talk to her like a human, not call her names or blame her for anything. Then again, I'm not so sure that it is entirely my fault. This is a very tricky situtation, and I'll post new insights as I gain them.
That about wraps it up for this post, though. As usual - post your comments below, and let's work all our feelings out together!
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