On the way back to your group, you run into that cute girl from work. But she doesn't look the same. She looks like Aurora, in all her splendor, a glowing goddess in a god-forsaken dive. Because that's her name. Aurora. Aurora Colorado.
She's dolled up, and she's with 2 other girls that are equally attractive, looking like backup dancers for Pink, and making you realize that this story is made up.
She says "Hi", and you face her and her entourage, and suddenly you realize a few things:
- You have Grade-K Nacho on your shirt, that sits right at the cusp of your belly and man-boobs.
- You were gonna brush your teeth earlier, but you said "fuck it", like you have for the past 2 days, instead amassing an interesting odor by piling different types of food and chemicals into your mouth.
- You're wearing your ComicCon shirt from last year.
You return the greeting, say something about you haven't been doing much, tell her to have fun, shuffle back to your friends, slam some beer and shots, then find her at the end of the night and slur to her a flurry of spur-of-the-moment words that allow her to infer that you see her as a blur.
Then you kick yourself in the ass repeatedly in the morning. How could this have been avoided?!
The Makeover
This whole makeover thing is getting oft-repeated and starting to lose its effectiveness with everyone trying to make money off it, but it's true. You need to work on yourself a little. It probably won't happen overnight (another truism that is working as a disclaimer for bullshit nowadays), but you gotta make something happen.
So here's a quick list in the confidence makeover:
- I know you love the fast food, but be careful with it. Especially if you don't exercise, and you are broke. Being broke works against you in a capitalistic society, so if you are short on money, don't make it shorter by spending it on something that's gonna make you sedated. Unless that something is Vicodin or Percodan or the like - something you can sample out. Highly addictive prescription pills work best.
- Try to keep yourself clean, you sloppy bastard. Same as above, be careful with ANY food. If you're going out, at least don't advertise what you've been eating all day, unless you want a porker or a slob like yourself. Keeping clean also means wash your clothes sometimes, brush your teeth (at least to get the chives off), and maybe investing some fast food money into some body spray.
- Don't say you're "not doing much these days". That instantly translates to a lot of negative things you COULD be: boring, broke, socially inept, a stalker, an XBox addict, a porn addict, or a serial killer. I realize that you may not be climbing Mt. Everest or maintaining a key role in conglomerate corporate mergers, but you could be studying for your Japanese proficiency exam, writing a book, working towards a promotion, or even taking part in a recent event - like helping someone move, or writing a song. All of which leads to:
- DO SOMETHING!! You can't keep frontin' forever! Get a hobby! Find something that interests you, and start nailing it like the bitch it is. I've always said that if you do something with passion, the money will come (and if you do something for money, you'll hate it, and you'll fall flat on your face). If you like to teach people things, start teaching something. If you like to fight, become a boxer. If you're all logical like Spock, do some programming. Your skills are always in need. Just because website design is competitive and a 2-year old can make a site nowadays, you can always put your own twist on anything.
- The gym is your friend. This one is overused too, but it's truth. Keep in mind what a person's natural desires are: to procreate, to survive. Food, shelter, and security. Although we live in a relatively soft, safe society, the mind knows instinctively that a big fat guy ain't gonna ward off hordes of rival tribesmen, catch gazelles, or fight a cougar. More on human instinct later.
- Don't Go Back After You're Drunk! This little move instantly shows that you aren't confident until you're drunk, and that's not a good thing. If you can talk, then why don't you talk when you meet up, instead of waiting for the liquid courage to kick in and spill your guts? You have something to hide, don't you...
Thoughts on Being Broke
As I posted above, a lot of this translates to money, especially living Stateside. But even if you are broke, you can still be confident, and look good doing it. You should at least have some sort of income, however. I will make a post on this in the future, but suffice to say that there are lots of shortcuts, ways to appear as if you're doing OK. And we all know that appearance is everything, and perception is reality. Here is my Confidence on a Budget post.
It Takes Time
It's gonna take a while for you to start cleaning up your act. Try and stay focused and aware of what you are doing, and it will become second nature to you over time. Don't get too flustered and anxious if you slip up occasionally - it's bound to happen.
One thing to remember is that you can't win 'em all. The most confident people in the world have taken some serious losses throughout their lives. The important thing is how you deal with setbacks (more on this later). A quick answer to that is that if you do something stupid, no one will remember it the way you do.
Keep your head up - build yourself and your life into something great. If you have anything to add, please drop some comment-love.
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