Perception is Reality! - Confidence Tips

There's a crazy thing that happens whenever you speak outloud to a group of people, or when you're dressed nice and walking around like you own the place, or when you smile at someone from your jalopy. And yes, this thing also happens when you have shit tons of money, and people know about said tons.

This thing that happens is conveyance of confidence! That rolls off the tongue like week-old sushi, don't it?

So here's the deal: if no one can see or hear that you're confident, then no one will know that you're confident.

This is commonly known as:

Perception is Reality

See, when people are all braggadocious and flashy and driving bad ass cars, they are showing the world, "Hey, look at me! I am confident! I had the big balls to go out and grab this up! I am a catch! You can have this, too!"

Don't buy it? Look at the expression on the guy next to you in the Porsche. Or watch the frat boy call across Chili's to a buddy of his. Or, at the shady gas station, observe the guy in saggin' pants and fake earrings approach a random car and sell a homemade CD.

In contrast, look how the shaky girl reads Harry Potter novels and never talks to anyone at her school. Try to find an inkling of the long-lost spark in the wino's eye (crackheads are different - don't look em in the eye, they have retard strength). Also, watch, as the kid with the slumped shoulders doesn't get a second glance from the 25-year old girls on their lunch break at the mall.

The point here is that what you exude, is true. OK, I made that up off the top of the head, but it means that people believe what they see and hear, and don't have the time to stop and wonder about how you hide your millions inside a dusty trenchcoat. They are too busy trying to get the latest such-and-such, and they have no patience when they have to guess.

Give Them What They Want

People are always looking for something. They have goals, aspirations. You are what stands between them, and what they want. So, why not give it to them? I don't mean punch them in the nose. I mean, be what they are looking for.

You could be the big flashy thing that makes their crew shine brighter. You could be the money-maker that everyone wants to learn from. You could be the lean, mean, sex devil that everyone envies and wants to be like. Mostly, people want to be great people. You can show them how to do that, can't you?

But How Am I Great?

Clarance, I'm just an ordinary person, you say to me! Well, so is everyone else, I answer you! The difference between you and Febrizio is that he has been trained to know what to build, and you were taught that life will run its course, and God has a plan for you.

Yes, once again, it's the ol' "Do Something" yarn. BE GREAT. Pick something you like. DO IT. BE GOOD AT IT. Your day shouldn't consist of "going to work and then going home and watching a whole season of True Blood". Figure out how to get some money. Throw some parties. Cook some food. Play some basketball. But don't give up! Suck at first, who cares!? Get better, and over time, you will be great. You think people just come out of the womb crossin' over fools? It takes practice. While you are probably not children that are reading my blog, you will have to start remembering what it is like to be a child. Say stupid shit. Do stupid shit. But love saying and doing them. As a child, you don't really worry about getting laughed at (unless you're bound by Eternal Christian Shame, as I am), so you just get up and do it again. You must be that person.

How to be Confident When You're On a Budget

Being a Broke-Ass Wiseguy

As I mentioned in a previous post, a lot of things that help you become confident are related to money. The costs that are incurred when presenting yourself in a capitalistic society can be quite high. One might think that in order to be confident, they must have money. Money to go out, money to buy gifts, money to stay fit and look great.

In reality, it's the other way around; Money comes to the confident man. But for you, my confidence-deficient brethren, the journey is different. You must change your path, and travel that road that conflicts with your affliction. There are a few ways to do this.

Drop Yourself Directly Behind Enemy Lines

If you are lacking self-confidence and don't have any money, you will need to alleviate at least one of these problems. Having confidence without money is fine. Having money without confidence is....OK, but the underlying problem is still gnawing at the postman's ass.

You can kill that persistent beast, like many before you, by going straight into its den and fighting it every day, licking your wounds afterward, until your skin is so tough and leathery that its bites cannot penetrate it, allowing you to drop the lethal blow to its skull with your auto mechanics' rubber mallet.

This means going out there, getting into the mix, talking out loud about whatever you want, shrugging off people's cute little Harvard remarks about your outfits, and eventually garnering the respect of your peers. Of course, the rules still apply. You can't just start hangin' out with a bunch of fine-ass rich girls looking like a bum and smelling like an unwashed bum. The rules of confidence: keep your ass and neck clean, have hobbies and aspirations, etc.

Before you know it, you'll be talking like them, making jokes they laugh at, and you'll feel like you accomplished something. Why? Because you did! You came in there bedraggled and downtrodden, and rose to a level of comfortability that you never knew before. Now you too can talk down at society's failures!

 

Inherit Some Money or Start a Bad-Ass Business

If someone in your family drops a shit ton of cash on you, you're in luck! This will allow you to buy your success, and you'll be able to drink it all away in shame, because you still lack those interpersonal skills so badly needed for human interaction. Look at it this way, though - now you can at least afford some therapy!

If it's a business you've inherited, and you're constantly knocking down all your profits by drinking and throwing lavish parties to keep your social revenue up - try to get a competent manager in there so they can keep your head out of water as you spiral downward into addiction. You can still invest in some therapy.

If you're running the business and want to be successful, you're still going to be Behind Enemy Lines, like above. You will have to convey that confidence, especially if you are selling something. Ass and neck clean, you will be fighting the Beast.

 

A Mixture of the Two

If you would like to appear like you are doing OK, but want to subtly ease your way into the mix, then here is the step for you - and the whole point of this post! This is confidence on a budget, and here are a few ways you can cut costs to get the most out of your buck.


- Quit going out to eat. If you live in an apartment, you (hopefully) have a refrigeration unit and a freezer. These can be used for (gasp!) storing food, and that costs WAY less than going to Taco John's Shiskebab every day after work. The only exception to this is eating from the dollar menu, and only getting a couple of items. You can cook your own food for less than half the cost of having it prepared. This is also cool, because you can cook FOR OTHER PEOPLE. That's always cool. One downside is that it takes time, but you weren't really doing anything anyway, were you? If you're really struggling, you can eat ramen noodles all the time, and you'll still have money left to buy the extra toilet paper that you're gonna need.

- If you're REALLY broke (or if it looks like you're really broke to the government), you can get food stamps. All it takes is a day in a dingy downtown office and a follow-up, maybe two. These things are gold, because you can use them to have some pretty big barbecues. Also, you can sell em! Give your buddy 100 bucks worth of food and ask him for 50 dollars. Score! (Don't do that, it's illegal.)

- Get a roommate, or get a smaller place. You can effectively cut your rent cost in half with a roommate. A lot of times, the problem is finding someone who will actually carry their own weight. A secondary problem is finding someone who doesn't get drunk every night and piss on the couch. You can also look into getting a music rehearsal room. They are cheap, and you're not really supposed to "live" in them, but if you have a computer and do, say, graphic design, you can put all your shit in there, and go sleep at your girl's house.

- Avoid Contracts. These will kill you in an uncertain economy. Stay away from subscription services that hook your ass up when you least expect it during the month. There's nothing worse than going out with a girl from a concert and wanting to get breakfast for her, only to find out that your Asian Cum Guzzler subscription hit, and you're 20 bucks in the hole (no pun intended). Try and have few bills as possible: rent, internet, phone. Consolidate anything you can.

- Cheap Clothes, Great Price. There are a lot of stores that have discounted brand-name clothes. In my area, it's Ross. You can get some good shit from there that would otherwise cost you a small fortune. And no one will ever notice the manufacturing defects.

- Other Cheap Shit that's cool. There are drink specials, matinee movies, museum coupons... keep your eyes peeled for stuff like that, because you'll need 'em when you finally go out with a girl.

- If you gotta smoke, roll on! Smoking is a pain in the ass. It's expensive and messes up those things you use to breathe. But all the black-lung pictures in the world can't hold a flame to the way that smoking alleviates anxiety (until you get addicted - then it causes it). If you gotta smoke, try rolling your own. It's a hell of a lot cheaper. Get a roller for a few bucks, a carton of tubes for a few bucks, and a pound of tobacco for about 40. That should roll almost 3 cartons, and that's a lot cheaper than $6 or $8 or $10 a day. Very tedious, though. And don't let anyone see you doing it, cuz you might get called out for being a cheap-ass!

- Drinking. Well, a little drink never hurt anyone.


I know this all sounds sarcastic, but in all seriousness, these techniques are meant to spark your imagination. Anything you can do to cut your cost when you're on a budget means more money in your pocket. The rapper Fat Joe used to sleep in abandoned apartments, and he never told his girlfriend about it. She thought he was out doing his thing, and going home to a comfortable bed, or his mom's house, or whatever. The point is, perception is reality!

UPDATE: So, this is an older post, and I can see by reading it, I am still thinking along the lines of external validation, i.e. using money and status to feel better about the self. I believe it is true that if you have money, you will feel confident, because it allows freedom and resources to give others, creating status. It is much more practical to build self-esteem through internal validation, though, and that is a concept I will be exploring further from now on.

Being Confident Around Girls

Being Confident Around Girls

You may not know this, but girls are actually not so interested in how confident you are as a person, but how confident you are around other males. I guess I just contradicted myself. Yes, they are interested in how confident you are. Of course, if  you are confident around other males that you don't know, then you are most likely to talk to her from out of the blue. If you are shy around other males, or are afraid of getting ridiculed so you tend to keep quiet, then the ladies are going to smell that and run like hell.

How many times have you thought to yourself, "Man, why is she with that asshole? I hate that guy?" If you've asked yourself that, then he's probably a lot more confident than you are.

It's instinctual, actually. Women tend to find someone who is assertive and often brash. It's hardwired into their genetics. Even as they influence laws that prohibit this behavior, they still want it. Need it. The male who is confident in his abilities can do many things: talk to people (network/build teams), look for better work or be his own boss, and oppose those who are in his way. All of these traits are beneficial to women (and also other men).

So, how do you become more confident around girls?

Well, I have a list of What girls want that is very similar to the "how to be more confident" list.

1) State your opinion, unless it's a little too zany. Like my "God doesn't exist" speil. They don't like that too much. It makes them cry.

2) Contrastingly, accept her opinion, and don't go off the deep end trying to disprove her. Agree to disagree, if you gotta.

3) Stay healthy. This is important, especially as you get older, because after 15 years of eating junk food (Americans), your body cannot process it like it could when you were younger. We all know problems are compounded with 10+ years of alcohol abuse. If you simply have to have alcohol in order to talk to girls, you should seek pyschiatric evaluation - you might have an anxiety disorder. AA works, but I believe it ignores the underlying disorder. Also, if you're not healthy, combative situations will be difficult. What are you going to do after the Apocolypse, and there is no law and order? It's important to stay in shape. Or get a gun.

4) Stay clean. I'm not talking about dope, I'm talking about your clothes and face! Shave, get your haircut, buy new clothes every once and a while, and take a shower VERY often. Oh, and brush your teeth.

5) Have money. That way, you can do all the things I'm telling you here. New clothes, haircuts, comfortable place to live, good food, at least an OK car, dentist/doctor appointments, hobbies, taking people out (to eat, dummy) - these are all things ON TOP OF basic shelter, electricity, water, phone, basic clothing/hygiene, and a moving vehicle. There is a difference between "moving vehicle" and "OK car".

6) Be aggressive. This doesn't mean yelling at your frat buddy at the door to join you from the back booth at Chili's. It means not being scared to ask for directions, saying "hello" to the cashier at the store, or calling the insurance company for 2 hours trying to figure out why you were overcharged. The word "aggressive" sounds like a macho term, but it means so much more. Go out and get what you deserve or want.

7) Posture. This is a little cliche', but it's true. The more you look like you are beat down, downtrodden, and blue, the more the people around you are going to believe that. Keep your shoulders wide, your back straight, and your chin up (or at least level? Can we make that happen?). Face the world! Don't look away!

Hopefully, this will get you started (who am I kidding, this is what you'll be doing for the rest of your life).

I've said it before, but I'm no expert. I don't have half of the list up there, and that is why I'm not out dating beautiful women. I did have a lot of those things in the past, though, and when I did, I felt a lot better about myself. One of the mysteries about the whole situation is the money thing. Nowadays, money is the indicator of who you are as a person (America), with the high consumerism that we have. It will be hard to go to school, make many networking contacts, do speeches if needed, and sustain a high-paying position if you are not confident. However, everything is relevant to your area. If you live in an above-average suburb, then you must be ready to compete with the people in that area, their values and standards. If you live in a rough neighborhood or out in the country, the same things apply. Not every place in the world places such a high value on its currency to the point where no man can find a mate, or feels uncomfortable around the opposite sex.

Update
Here is my new updated How to be Confident Around Girls post. Enjoy!

I'm So Anxious I Don't Get Anything Done

I often find myself not getting anything done because of overbearing anxiety. I have millions of ideas, but I never seem to get anything accomplished, because I start to second-guess the possible results. I start to wonder what the results will be before I even start, and, more often than not, the results that I come up with are negative.

Your mind is like a probabilities-processing computer

Or at least mine is. I will have a "brilliant" idea, then start thinking about what I need to do to get it done. For an example, I'll use this blog. I used to look for ways to make money online and otherwise, and I came upon the school of using the search engines to drive traffic to a website by targeting keywords and getting backlinks. This intrigued me, of course, because I thought that I could make money, not have to go outside and meet anyone, and I would have nobody telling me what to do. What a blessing for someone with social anxiety!

- I started assessing the situation:
First thing I needed to do was find keywords, so I looked around and found some, and also found possible sponsors that could pay me once my website started getting traffic. Didn't contact anyone, of course, I just looked and noted ones that I might contact in the future. After that, I made the blog, targeted a few keywords, and wrote an entry or two. I started realizing that it wouldn't happen overnight - that I was going to have to stick with this thing for a long time! That discouraged me, and I eventually stopped posting. I would think, "Wow, I really picked some highly competitive keywords, and I'll never be able to get any traffic for this stuff." My anxiety started getting the best of me.

The Confident Person Just Does It

What I should have been doing in the first place, was just DOING it! It doesn't matter if it sucks, or if the traffic doesn't roll in for a year. The point is, if I had have started writing on a daily basis, I would have a formidable blog by now, and one that would be a great place to backlink from. This idea of creating for the sake of creating eludes a lot of people with social anxiety, and keeps us from getting anything done.

Keeping your mind from thinking about the future will keep you closer to where you're supposed to be and what you should be doing - doing something! The more you sit and ruminate all the possibilities for failure, the less likely you will be to get out there and make something happen. Now, I still have serious anxiety issues, but for the past year, I've been trying to change my ridiculous thinking habits in order to be a little more productive. Here's what I do:

1) If I have an idea, I start working on it very quickly. Today, I started having some anxious feelings about not getting anything done, and then I thought, "Wait, I have a blog for that. I'll just make a post." And now I'm here.

2) I stop thinking about hyperbolic results. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is going to read my blog and just start laughing. This is what anxiety is all about. It is an exaggerated fear of something that probably won't happen. And even everyone in the world read the thing, not everyone would laugh. Some people may get some help!

3) I flip the negative to positive. If someone read it and thought I was stupid for writing this, I would view it as a reason to step my game up. I know that no one's perfect, and you can't please everyone. But, if enough people say you suck, maybe you should look into it. This is where the "that which does not kill me will make me stronger" saying comes from.

Less anxiety = more confidence!