Perception is Reality! - Confidence Tips

There's a crazy thing that happens whenever you speak outloud to a group of people, or when you're dressed nice and walking around like you own the place, or when you smile at someone from your jalopy. And yes, this thing also happens when you have shit tons of money, and people know about said tons.

This thing that happens is conveyance of confidence! That rolls off the tongue like week-old sushi, don't it?

So here's the deal: if no one can see or hear that you're confident, then no one will know that you're confident.

This is commonly known as:

Perception is Reality

See, when people are all braggadocious and flashy and driving bad ass cars, they are showing the world, "Hey, look at me! I am confident! I had the big balls to go out and grab this up! I am a catch! You can have this, too!"

Don't buy it? Look at the expression on the guy next to you in the Porsche. Or watch the frat boy call across Chili's to a buddy of his. Or, at the shady gas station, observe the guy in saggin' pants and fake earrings approach a random car and sell a homemade CD.

In contrast, look how the shaky girl reads Harry Potter novels and never talks to anyone at her school. Try to find an inkling of the long-lost spark in the wino's eye (crackheads are different - don't look em in the eye, they have retard strength). Also, watch, as the kid with the slumped shoulders doesn't get a second glance from the 25-year old girls on their lunch break at the mall.

The point here is that what you exude, is true. OK, I made that up off the top of the head, but it means that people believe what they see and hear, and don't have the time to stop and wonder about how you hide your millions inside a dusty trenchcoat. They are too busy trying to get the latest such-and-such, and they have no patience when they have to guess.

Give Them What They Want

People are always looking for something. They have goals, aspirations. You are what stands between them, and what they want. So, why not give it to them? I don't mean punch them in the nose. I mean, be what they are looking for.

You could be the big flashy thing that makes their crew shine brighter. You could be the money-maker that everyone wants to learn from. You could be the lean, mean, sex devil that everyone envies and wants to be like. Mostly, people want to be great people. You can show them how to do that, can't you?

But How Am I Great?

Clarance, I'm just an ordinary person, you say to me! Well, so is everyone else, I answer you! The difference between you and Febrizio is that he has been trained to know what to build, and you were taught that life will run its course, and God has a plan for you.

Yes, once again, it's the ol' "Do Something" yarn. BE GREAT. Pick something you like. DO IT. BE GOOD AT IT. Your day shouldn't consist of "going to work and then going home and watching a whole season of True Blood". Figure out how to get some money. Throw some parties. Cook some food. Play some basketball. But don't give up! Suck at first, who cares!? Get better, and over time, you will be great. You think people just come out of the womb crossin' over fools? It takes practice. While you are probably not children that are reading my blog, you will have to start remembering what it is like to be a child. Say stupid shit. Do stupid shit. But love saying and doing them. As a child, you don't really worry about getting laughed at (unless you're bound by Eternal Christian Shame, as I am), so you just get up and do it again. You must be that person.

I'm So Anxious I Don't Get Anything Done

I often find myself not getting anything done because of overbearing anxiety. I have millions of ideas, but I never seem to get anything accomplished, because I start to second-guess the possible results. I start to wonder what the results will be before I even start, and, more often than not, the results that I come up with are negative.

Your mind is like a probabilities-processing computer

Or at least mine is. I will have a "brilliant" idea, then start thinking about what I need to do to get it done. For an example, I'll use this blog. I used to look for ways to make money online and otherwise, and I came upon the school of using the search engines to drive traffic to a website by targeting keywords and getting backlinks. This intrigued me, of course, because I thought that I could make money, not have to go outside and meet anyone, and I would have nobody telling me what to do. What a blessing for someone with social anxiety!

- I started assessing the situation:
First thing I needed to do was find keywords, so I looked around and found some, and also found possible sponsors that could pay me once my website started getting traffic. Didn't contact anyone, of course, I just looked and noted ones that I might contact in the future. After that, I made the blog, targeted a few keywords, and wrote an entry or two. I started realizing that it wouldn't happen overnight - that I was going to have to stick with this thing for a long time! That discouraged me, and I eventually stopped posting. I would think, "Wow, I really picked some highly competitive keywords, and I'll never be able to get any traffic for this stuff." My anxiety started getting the best of me.

The Confident Person Just Does It

What I should have been doing in the first place, was just DOING it! It doesn't matter if it sucks, or if the traffic doesn't roll in for a year. The point is, if I had have started writing on a daily basis, I would have a formidable blog by now, and one that would be a great place to backlink from. This idea of creating for the sake of creating eludes a lot of people with social anxiety, and keeps us from getting anything done.

Keeping your mind from thinking about the future will keep you closer to where you're supposed to be and what you should be doing - doing something! The more you sit and ruminate all the possibilities for failure, the less likely you will be to get out there and make something happen. Now, I still have serious anxiety issues, but for the past year, I've been trying to change my ridiculous thinking habits in order to be a little more productive. Here's what I do:

1) If I have an idea, I start working on it very quickly. Today, I started having some anxious feelings about not getting anything done, and then I thought, "Wait, I have a blog for that. I'll just make a post." And now I'm here.

2) I stop thinking about hyperbolic results. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is going to read my blog and just start laughing. This is what anxiety is all about. It is an exaggerated fear of something that probably won't happen. And even everyone in the world read the thing, not everyone would laugh. Some people may get some help!

3) I flip the negative to positive. If someone read it and thought I was stupid for writing this, I would view it as a reason to step my game up. I know that no one's perfect, and you can't please everyone. But, if enough people say you suck, maybe you should look into it. This is where the "that which does not kill me will make me stronger" saying comes from.

Less anxiety = more confidence!

Building Confidence - Alcohol

Self-confidence is integral in how we go through our lives and our success. As mentioned before, I believe that there is a definite link between self-esteem/confidence and alcohol. There is more of a probability for people that struggle with confidence issues to abuse alcohol.

The person with a lack of confidence is usually afraid to meet new people and feels trapped in his/her own world. Going out can cause a great deal of anxiety that is very hard to overcome, and leaves the victim feeling "locked up" and unable to speak. Ingesting alcohol is an easy way to ease the feelings of anxiety, and once a person who has anxiety issues tries alcohol, they realize that the beverage could easily be an answer to their problems, as the alcohol wards off inhibition and feelings of inadequacy.

The temporary relief of these feelings of extreme anxiety at first seems to be invaluable to the victims of low self-confidence. The sufferer, after a few drinks, will feel confident, "witty", and charming in social situations. In actuality, the inebriated person already has these charming qualities, but a lack of confidence and debilitating anxiety keep them from exhibiting these traits. This can leave one feeling "trapped" within themselves, and desperate to find a way out.

What happens as time goes by, the brain will let the person know that he/she can be social, but only after drinking. This translates to not being able to go out without having a few alcoholic beverages. If the root cause of the anxiety is not examined, this cycle will continue, and the situation has no other recourse than to become worse, and in the future, uncontrollable.

Of course, in the later stages of alcoholism, it becomes harder and harder to quit, as the body becomes dependent on it physically. Upon quitting for a time, users may experience alcohol withdrawal symptoms. Depending on the stage of alcoholism, these symptoms can range from anxiety (which was probably present in the first place) to seizures and delirium.

But the main point of this is to point out that alcoholism is usually the product of a low self-confidence/anxiety disorder. Once a person begins to have confidence, the need to drink (especially heavily) dwindles to a certain extent. It doesn't become an everyday "mission" like some people make it. I have friends that try their best to drink an 18-pack of beer every day, and they are miserable. They also begin to lose respect among their peers, and that makes them even more depressed. Now, on top of having to ween off of alcohol and develop a new way of thinking, they are also burdened with the original source of anxiety.

It's important to us that we begin to learn how to manage our lives confidently and without outside stimuli.